In between nothing and something. Potentially reaching threshold and causing an all-or-nothing response. Well, I’m in a pretty liminal state here and now. My 99th day in Costa Rica has come. Just 21 days remain. I’ve been well adjusted and accepting of what life is like here for some time now, however all of a sudden I crave home.
I don’t necessarily want home, but I crave it. I know that as soon as I return, I will long to be back at mi casa in San José, getting breakfast and dinner prepared for me, free to travel to geographically diverse places for the weekends, only depending on public transportation or my own feet to carry me.
When I go home, I become more personally dependent. Of course no matter where in the world I am, at 19, I am still heavily financially dependent, still, on my parents. However when I go home, I become even more dependent. For example, I will no longer live in a small town or center city where my feet can take me anywhere I need to go. I will need to depend on borrowing a car, or someone driving me. It’s awfully burdening, not only for me, but for other people.
With these realities in mind, I ask myself, what makes home so appealing? Maybe its the idea of going back to something I know much better. Maybe its people— my amazing friends or my grandma. My dog? Zuzu will be so excited to see me. Oh, or maybe the holidays! I am heading back right before Christmas, my favorite holiday. Is it traditions of seeing my little cousins, and aunts, and uncles that smells appetizing to me? I’m torn. I don’t want to leave Costa Rica, but since earlier this week, the idea of family and “home” has tantalized me.
I’m somewhere in between the two worlds. Don’t want to go, but ready to so “Tan luego.”